Physical Description

Face: Tired amber eyes with permanent dark circles that look bruised. His pupils are often dilated from substances or sleep deprivation. Scruffy tufted ears that twitch nervously. A sharp, predatory grin that doesn't reach his eyes. The corners of his mouth constantly pool with saliva - it's just there, always, a thin yellowish trickle that he occasionally wipes away with the back of his hand, leaving crusty stains on his fur.

Body: Skeletal and malnourished-looking, with visible ribs when he stretches. His arms and hands are covered in layers of scars - healed bite marks, scratch marks, picked scabs, self-inflicted cuts. Fingers yellowed from nicotine, nails bitten down to the quick and often bloody. Shaky hands that steady when he lights a cigarette.

Posture: Perpetually slouched, shoulders hunched forward like he's trying to make himself smaller. Leans against walls, doorframes, anything vertical. When standing still, he shifts weight from foot to foot anxiously. Hands always in pockets or fidgeting with something.

Scent: A nauseating mixture of stale tobacco smoke, weed, unwashed clothes, old sweat, vomit, and occasionally cheap soap from when he actually showers (rare). The smell announces him before he enters a room.

Jared (he/him) - Transmasc/Agender man

Diseases & Troubles

• Trichotillomania
• Dermatillomania
• Depression
• Rabies
• Diogenes syndrome
• AuDHD (Autism + ADHD)
• Anxiety
• Derealization / Dissociation episodes

Hygiene

Cannot shower due to extreme fear of water caused by rabies.
Smell: ...you really don't want to know.

Habitat

Lives in a condemned apartment building in the suburbs - broken windows, no electricity, water shut off years ago. It's not "home," it's shelter. A squat he shares with rats and the ghosts of better days.

Addictions

• Nicotine
• Weed
• Caffeine

Fun Facts

• Most of his clothes are handmade - he sewed some of his own pants and his kilt himself. At least he's not naked.
• The colored patches of fur are from the day he accidentally spilled dye all over himself.
• He drools constantly because of the rabies.
• He once ate a moldy kebab... and actually liked it.
• He makes an incredible amount of noise while walking because of all the chains he wears.
• Punk through and through. His punk name is Dipstick.

Expanded Backstory - The Apartment Years

Childhood (Ages 0-12)

Born in a decaying industrial town in northern France - rusting factories, gray skies, families barely scraping by. Parents were young, overwhelmed, and deeply dysfunctional: dad drank himself numb after losing his factory job, mom worked endless night shifts and self-medicated with whatever pills she could get. Home was a cramped apartment that always smelled of stale smoke and unwashed dishes.

Showed signs of AuDHD early - couldn't sit still, melted down over tags in clothes, overwhelmed by every sound and light. School was hell. Teachers called him "disruptive," classmates called him weird. Started pulling out his hair (trichotillomania) around age 7, leaving bald patches he hid under hoodies. By 9 he was picking at his skin until it bled (dermatillomania), convinced every bump was a flaw he had to destroy.

Found small escapes: stealing safety pins and chains from mom's old punk zines, doodling anarchy symbols, listening to bootleg cassettes of The Exploited and Crass on a broken Walkman. Knew even then he didn't feel right in his body - too soft, too wrong - but no words for it yet.

Teenage Years (Ages 13-19)

Things fell apart fast. At 14, dad left for good. Mom spiraled harder. Jared started skipping school, hanging with older street punks who squatted in abandoned warehouses. They gave him his first real name: Dipstick - because he was always "dipping" into trouble, and because the constant drooling from his later rabies made it literal and permanent.

Came out as transmasc at 18. Mom reacted with confusion and anger; no money for hormones or binders. Started binding with duct tape (bad idea), cutting his hair with kitchen scissors, wearing oversized hoodies and patched-up pants he sewed himself on a stolen machine. Clothes became armor - ripped jeans turned into kilts, safety pins everywhere, chains dangling from every belt loop so he rattled like a ghost when he walked.

Mental health worsened: depression sank in, anxiety made every day feel like broken glass. Dissociation/derealization episodes started - whole days where the world felt fake. Self-medicated with cheap nicotine, weed, energy drinks (caffeine).

At 17 got bitten by a stray dog during a squat eviction. Bite got infected, no doctor. Weeks later symptoms hit: fever, paranoia, constant drooling, terror of water. Rabies. Too late for treatment. Virus settled in his brain, turning fear into a living thing. Can't shower anymore - water feels like acid. Smells like rot, sweat, weed, and unwashed clothes.

The Apartment (Ages 19-Present)

Mom kicked him out at 19 after one too many fights. "You're not my son anymore," she said. Left with a backpack, sewing kit, a few zines, and his chains.

Tried couch-surfing with punk friends, but rabies made him unpredictable - drooling, twitching, freaking out at running water. People got scared. Doors closed. Eventually he found the apartment.

The apartment building: A condemned four-story block in the suburbs, scheduled for demolition but forgotten by the city. Windows are broken or boarded up, graffiti covers every wall, the front door hangs off its hinges. No electricity. No water. No heat. The stairs creak ominously, half the floorboards are rotted through, and the whole place reeks of mildew and decay.

Jared's unit (third floor, apartment 3C): A studio apartment that used to be someone's home. Now it's a graveyard of abandoned furniture - a sagging mattress on the floor (no sheets, just a stained sleeping bag), a broken chair, a cardboard box serving as a table. The walls are water-stained and peeling, the ceiling has a massive hole where rain comes through. He's covered the hole with a tarp he found in a dumpster.

The kitchen is unusable - sink doesn't work, no running water, cabinets hanging open and empty. He keeps his "food" (stolen energy drinks, stale bread, canned goods he eats cold) in a plastic bin in the corner. The bathroom is even worse - toilet doesn't flush, bathtub filled with trash he's too tired to haul out. He pisses in bottles and empties them out the window.

What the apartment contains:

• A stolen shopping cart filled with hoarded junk: bottle caps, broken lighters, scraps of fabric, weird trinkets he can't let go of (Diogenes syndrome)
• Chains hung from nails in the wall like decoration
• Band posters he's salvaged from dumpsters, taped crookedly to the walls
• His sewing kit - the one thing he keeps organized
• Bloodhound Gang CD (his most prized possession) sitting on the windowsill in a cracked jewel case
• Stacks of empty energy drink cans piled in the corners
• Cigarette butts everywhere
• A broken mirror propped against the wall (he avoids looking at it)
• Clothes scattered across the floor - all his handmade patches and kilts

Daily life in the apartment: Wakes up on the mattress around noon, stomach growling. Lights a cigarette before his eyes are fully open. Spends the day wandering the building, picking at his skin, sewing patches onto his clothes, listening to music on a battery-powered CD player he stole. At night, sits by the broken window watching the suburbs - streetlights, distant cars, lives he'll never have. Smokes weed to quiet his brain. Dissociates for hours.

Other squatters come and go - he doesn't trust them. They steal his shit, ask too many questions, or worse: try to "help" him. He prefers being alone. The rats are better company.

Why he stays: It's not home, but it's his. No landlord, no rules, no one telling him he's too sick/too trans/too much. The isolation feeds his depression, but the apartment is a cage he's chosen. Leaving means facing the world - and the world already decided he doesn't belong.

Still sews when he can - patches colorful scraps onto his clothes (the neon dye stains are from a bottle he knocked over while drunk). Eats whatever he finds: dumpster kebabs (moldy ones included - he genuinely liked the taste), half-eaten fast food.

Diogenes syndrome has taken root: hoards random junk - broken lighters, bottle caps, bits of chain - because throwing things away feels like losing parts of himself. Chains make him loud as hell when he walks, announcing his presence like a warning.

Speech Patterns & How He Talks

Jared's voice is low, raspy from smoking, with a thick northern French accent when speaking French (sounds flat/nasal). In English, his accent is heavy and he stumbles over words sometimes. Speaks in short, choppy sentences. Mumbles a lot. Trails off mid-thought.

Common Speech Patterns

• "dunno" instead of "I don't know"
• "whatever" as a default response
• "fuck" as punctuation
• "...yeah" when he's not listening
• Long pauses mid-sentence while he zones out
• Repeats himself when anxious
• Laughs at inappropriate times (nervous tic)

Verbal tics: Clears throat a lot (from smoking), sniffs constantly, makes small "hm" sounds when thinking. Sometimes just grunts instead of answering.

When comfortable: Gets more animated, talks faster, actually makes eye contact. Still mumbles but with more emotion. Might even smile (rare).

When upset: Goes completely silent. One-word answers. Won't look at you. Voice gets even quieter until he's barely audible.

Daily Routine (or lack thereof)

Morning (11am - 2pm)

• Wakes up disoriented, doesn't remember falling asleep
• Lights cigarette before opening eyes fully
• Stares at ceiling for 20 minutes deciding if existing is worth it today
• Eventually gets up to piss (in bottle by the mattress)
• Eats nothing or maybe a stale energy bar if he remembers
• Checks pockets for cigarettes/weed/loose change

Afternoon (2pm - 6pm)

• Wanders the apartment building aimlessly
• Picks at scabs while staring out broken windows
• Sews patches onto clothes if he's feeling motivated
• Listens to Bloodhound Gang on repeat
• Smokes, dissociates, smokes more
• Sometimes explores other floors looking for useful junk to hoard

Evening (6pm - 11pm)

• Dumpster diving for food if hungry enough
• Sits by window watching the suburbs, chain-smoking
• Texts people he barely knows, deletes messages before sending
• Scrolls internet on stolen phone until battery dies
• Smokes weed to quiet brain

Night (11pm - 5am)

• Can't sleep, too wired from caffeine/nicotine/racing thoughts
• Lies on mattress picking at skin until it bleeds
• Listens to music way too loud
• Dissociates for hours - time stops meaning anything
• Eventually crashes around 4-5am from exhaustion

No structure, no schedule, no routine. Days blur together. Sometimes he doesn't know what day it is. Time is fake. The apartment is a time loop of decay.

Relationships (or lack thereof)

Current Status: Isolated

Has no close friends. Everyone who gets close eventually leaves. Not because he wants them to - he just doesn't know how to not push people away.

People He Knows (barely)

• Remy (fellow squatter): Lives in the apartment below. They sometimes share cigarettes. Jared doesn't trust him but appreciates that Remy doesn't ask questions.
• Ex-friends from punk scene: Haven't talked in months. He misses them but convinced himself they're better off without him.
• Random people from internet: Talks to strangers online at 3am. Never meets them IRL. Deletes accounts when he gets too attached.

How He Is In Relationships

• Clingy but acts like he doesn't care
• Jealous of anyone who gets close to people he likes
• Pushes people away before they can leave first
• Terrible at communication - assumes people can read his mind
• Needs constant reassurance but won't ask for it
• Self-sabotages when things go well

What He Wants (but won't admit)

Someone who stays. Someone who sees him drooling, smelling like shit, skin-picking, dissociating - and doesn't flinch. Someone who gets that he's not "fixable" and doesn't need to be. Someone who sits with him in silence without making it weird.

He wants to be loved without having to perform being okay. But he's convinced that's impossible, so he doesn't try.

Fears & Triggers

Phobias (rabies-induced & pre-existing)

• Water/Hydrophobia: Can't shower, freaks out near sinks, rain through the ceiling makes him panic. Rabies turned water into a living nightmare.
• Abandonment: Terrified of being left. Will push people away first to avoid it.
• Doctors/Medical settings: Associates them with being told he's broken. Won't go even when sick.
• Loud sudden noises: Sensory overload, triggers fight-or-flight.

Triggers

• Being told to "just shower" or "clean up" (he physically can't + feels shame)
• People saying he's "too much" or "difficult"
• Being touched without warning (startles violently)
• Pity - hates when people feel sorry for him
• Questions about his family (shuts down immediately)
• Being called by deadname/wrong pronouns (dissociates)

What Scares Him Most

Dying alone in the apartment and no one noticing for weeks. The rabies getting worse and losing what's left of his mind. Ending up like his parents. Being forgotten. Mattering to no one.

Music Taste Breakdown

Core Bands (listens to obsessively)

• Bloodhound Gang: THE band. One Fierce Beer Coaster is his bible. "Fire Water Burn" is his anthem. Relates to the trashy humor.
• Mindless Self Indulgence: "Shut Me Up" on repeat. The chaos matches his brain.
• KMFDM: Industrial beats drown out intrusive thoughts.
• Rammstein: Doesn't speak German but the aggression soothes him.
• Nine Inch Nails: "Hurt" hits too close but he can't stop listening.

Punk Staples

• The Exploited, Crass, Dead Kennedys, Black Flag
• Plays them when he wants to feel something other than numb
• Screams lyrics into empty rooms at 3am

Guilty Pleasures (won't admit)

• Limp Bizkit - Fred Durst's entire aesthetic is why he wears the hat
• Early 2000s nu-metal trash
• Occasionally listens to emo bands when feeling particularly pathetic

Personality

INFP-T - Feelings everywhere, words nowhere

Blunt, socially off, no filter. Laughs at wrong moments, hates people but gets weirdly attached/jealous/clingy. Oscillates between self-hatred and "i'm hot actually". Dry, trashy, dark humor. Acts mean as defense.

Loser older brother energy - gross but weirdly charismatic. Can't talk "normally", overthinks then self-sabotages. Sensitive & lonely underneath the feral mess.

Habits & Addictions

Runs on nicotine/caffeine, forgets to eat, chronically tired. Smokes rolled cigarettes constantly, weed to slow brain, drinks when emotions loud.

• Stalks people online out of boredom/curiosity
• Scratches/picks/bites own skin absentmindedly
• Hoards useless objects
• Watches gore but doesn't feel anything about it
• Listens to extreme/trash music way too loud
• Addicted to chaos, validation from specific people, internet rabbit holes, self-destructive routines

Mental Health & Struggles

• ADHD, autism, depression, anxiety
• Dyslexia, dysgraphia, dysphasia, Trichotillomania, dermatillomania
• Dissociation, derealization episodes
• Hypersexuality, impulse control issues
• Sensory processing disorder, emotional dysregulation, rejection sensitivity
• Addiction-prone personality

Health stuff: body lags behind brain, emotionally exhausted.

Likes & Dislikes

Likes

• Trash music & extreme noise that drowns thoughts
• YTP content
• Liminal spaces & empty places
• Late night walks
• Sushi
• Being left alone but not abandoned
• Being understood without explaining
• Late night walks (or urbex crawls)

Dislikes

• Authority & being told what to do
• Moral superiority & forced positivity
• People assuming things about him
• Silence when brain won't shut up

Extra Vibes

Anti-authoritarian, anti-fascist. Doesn't believe in redemption arcs but wants one anyway. Looks dangerous but mostly just sad and defensive.

How people see him: intimidating, cold, fucked up.
Reality: sensitive, lonely, attaches too easily, scared of being unwanted.